i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize