also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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