mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
