allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
