I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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