if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
