Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
