i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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