Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
