I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
