why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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