She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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