then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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