what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize