Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
