just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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