May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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