Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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