I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
