Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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