i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
