What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
