Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have tasted many bathrooms
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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