threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You made out with two different species that night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
