So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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