He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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