i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
