sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
