So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
