We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
