You're my little dorito
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
