Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
