i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
