You're my little dorito
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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