filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
