he shaved USA in his pubs
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
