God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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