She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
