My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
