Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My liver just had a heart attack.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
