your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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