when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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