I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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