She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize