as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
