Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
