Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
