i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
