He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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