So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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