I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
