I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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