What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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