Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
