someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
