I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
