he was CRYING into my vagina
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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