My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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