It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
