A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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