the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
