Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
