how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
