theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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