I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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