Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
