even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
