the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize