I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
