am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
