I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
