soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
