The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
People in love make me want to vomit
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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