i would punch a child for taco bell
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
