Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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