it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
