I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
