Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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