evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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