shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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